Heavy On The Whatnot

by Brimaxian (Brian M. Weidemann)

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1.
04:10
2.
03:14
3.
4.
5.
6.
04:10
7.
06:38
8.
03:34
9.
04:31
10.
11.

credits

released December 31, 2005

All songs written, produced, performed, recorded & mixed by Brian M. Weidemann.

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all rights reserved

about

Brimaxian (Brian M. Weidemann) Santa Ana, California

A persistently versatile mix of guitars, keys, synth strings, and more, in the rock, acoustic, and alternative genres. Dense, poetic wordplay sung by a semi-amateur baritone. Wry wit, hot guitar licks, and the occasional augmented sixth chord.

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Track Name: Amy & Amber
At nineteen, each, they're ripe to reach their prime.
As it adds up, I must divide my time to know them.
It's either/or, a light or dark brunette.
They're both clocked in; which window do I get to close or open?

I'm, with each of them, in love.
I'm a pushover, so they shove.

Amy and Amber:
Their voices tantalize; texture, tone, and timbre.
As courtesy, they'll pick up the line.
Yet they dare to ask me, “How can I help you?” Be mine!
Amber and Amy:
If I ever chose, then each would betray me.
In either case I'm cursed,
So if Amber can't come first
Then neither will Amy.

I meet their eye, the highlight of my day.
They call me by when all the things I'd say elude me.
I'm lost for words. The service desk may find
When, all the while, their smiles are what I've pined for, absolutely.

If I weren't such an introvert,
I'd intervene at every flirt.
The hopelessly romantic jerk
Had better just depart, forget them, and get back to work.

As I try to pull away,
Who's so sure I shouldn't stay?
I'm, with each of them, in love.
I'm a pushover, so they shove.

Amy and Amber:
Their voices tantalize; texture, tone, and timbre.
As courtesy, they'll pick up the line.
Yet they dare to ask me, “How can I help you?” Be mine!
Amber and Amy:
If I ever chose, then each would betray me.
In either case I'm cursed,
So if Amber can't come first
Then neither will Amy.

©2005 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Self-Control
Do I really want to change myself so the world
can treat me in the way I think it should anyway?
Does the world deserve me the way I am or is it
only its own loss for it to bill, and subsequently to pay?

Can I fake my fate? Can I sell my soul?
Can I choose to lose all my self-control?
Do I pay my dues? Do I run the show?
Do I fall in love or do I fall in line like a domino?

Do I really want to change the world so that I
can walk around the way I have grown accustomed to?
Do I search my soul and take different steps or do I
skip another beat, put down my foot, or drop the alternate shoe?

If I'm the fool, whom do I kid?
I've rehearsed my debut, but all for naught.
If you always do what you always did,
You'll always get what you always got.

Can I fake my fate? Can I sell my soul?
Can I choose to lose all my self-control?
Do I pay my dues? Do I run the show?
Do I fall in love or do I fall in line like a domino?

Determinism leaves the devil in the details.
(Over-sampling will distort the sound-byte, clips and fails.)
The smallest peaks will average out whatever it entails.
The message, likened to the bigger picture, pales to compare.
Life's already pallid; who's to say it can't be fair?

Can I fake my fate? Can I sell my soul?
Can I choose to lose all my self-control?
Do I pay my dues? Do I run the show?
Do I fall in love or do I fall in line like a domino?

©2005 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: If You Agreed
Your piercing eyes imprison me.
I'm skewered to my cell.
You've jailed me, I've failed you,
And for your noose I fell.
Or are you just another girl?
But then, it's just as well.

Pretty girl, I have confessed
My interest, and hope it's not too late.
Am I romantic or obsessed?
Do you permit the passage when I persist to permeate?
Or do I write you off, sidestep a chance, succumb to fate?

You stab me in the tender heart
With all your rapier wit.
I mime unharmed, though I'm unarmed
You kill me, I'll admit.
If you're to be the death of me
I'll gladly take the hit.

I'm probably not the first to notice you.
I just hope I'm not the worst that you could do.

You brighten up a dismal life
Who's otherwise alone.
And I'll be dim, a paltry whim;
Contrast, I can't condone.
And then the gaze you'll strut into,
It will not be my own.

Pretty girl, I have confessed
My interest, and hope it's not too late.
Am I romantic or obsessed?
Do you permit the passage when I persist to permeate?
Or do I right the wrongs and take a chance by tempting fate?

So are you everything I'd ever need,
Or just another cutie I would touch if you agreed?

©2005 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Dysfunctional
Dues are paid but what was bought?
You're detained but I was caught off guard.
Slice off every limb that bled.
Cut the losses not already scarred.
Bite the feeding upper hand.
Rue the day. I just can't stand the nights.
Nothing spoken, nothing gained.
I rehearsed while you retained the rights.

You're my one indulgence, and that's not a compliment.
I only need you at my lowest, and you're there by accident.
If I could just insult you, could I then confront myself?
Am I content, myself? Do you condone that I instead experiment?
I'm determined to destroy you, but to my own detriment.

Glass is shattered on the floor.
See the broken mirror for the shards.
Brush me off and say goodbye;
Never gave your lint such high regards.
Are you twisting in the wind?
Blown away because you pinned me down.
Princess, why are you forlorn?
Rust and tarnishing have worn your crown.

You're my one indulgence, and that's not a compliment.
I only need you at my lowest, and you're there by accident.
If I could just insult you, could I then confront myself?
Am I content, myself? Do you condone that I instead experiment?
I'm determined to destroy you, but to my own detriment.

Do I really care at all?
Can't believe I'd ever fall for you.
When will all my waiting stop?
You're the other woman. Drop the shoe!
Goes around, has yet to come;
Order “just desert” with something fair.
How must fairy tales end?
Take the 12-step plan. Ascend the stair.

©2005 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Except For You
Tight-wire act without a pole;
Sentence issued on parole;
Afterlife without a soul;
You always lost my will.
Deal without a give-and-take;
The heart-, then head-, then bellyache;
I'm in your dreams, but I'm awake;
You spiked the sleeping pill.

I take the blame for everything I do …
But, oh … except for you.

Always figure, never ground,
Even when you're not around;
Ounce of worth for every pound,
But you weren't worth the weight.
Often lonely from content;
Conduct your hot air as I vent;
Forever gone but rarely went;
I never made you late.

I take the blame for everything I do …
But, oh … except for you.
I'm puzzled when it's your resolve I rue
Since you don't have a clue.

You go too far each time you're near me here.
You paid me a visit that cost me too dearly, my dear.
And now I'm at a loss. You leave me jarred.
I can't pick up the paces you retard.
You toss me in the trash and throw me for a loop.
You've caught me off my guard
And dropped the ball beneath the level you could stoop.

You're hot, despite the third degree;
Your metaphor, my simile;
Like pain, as such, is therapy;
A feud astride a couch.
Worthy cause to no effect;
An empty stage when you'd direct;
I broke a leg each time we necked;
A sigh for every “ouch”.

I take the blame for everything I do …
But, oh … except for you.
I lost the hand with every card I drew.
You cut my deck in two.

©2005 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Unsettling
I lost myself while dangling, daydreams on the verge.
I found my fantasies fulfill a deeper urge.
Girl, staying true to you was only just as nice,
But even though you're my sugar, babe, variety is the spice.

And I'm sorry you could never be the one.
I fumble for the few,
Romanticize the many.
It's sad to say we've only just begun, but we're done.
I don't know what I'd do
Without the girls aplenty.

I add another tick, an item on a list,
Another bullet point; although they're never missed.
In short they're all long gone, a rebound just for some,
But all these memories can fade, and there are many more to come.

And I'm sorry you could never be the one.
I fumble for the few,
Romanticize the many.
It's sad to say we've only just begun, but we're done.
I don't know what I'd do
Without the girls aplenty.

Now that I come to wonder, where are you these days?
I wouldn't want you thinking you were just a phase.
In having second thoughts, I'm sure that you'll suffice.
After all this time I want you back just so I can dump you twice!

©2005 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Thorn
Our rows turn me red.
With violence I'm blue.
You've peddled in bed
And deflowered a few.
Despite all you've said,
You've rarely stayed true.
You stem from your spread
And now I'm on to you.

A rose of scorn by any name will always make me sick.
And though you've worn, you're much too sharp to stick.
You cut me quick and bleed me dry
While you're the slow poke at my thigh.
But you're the thorn, so I can't be the prick.

It's you, or it's me
Though hard to believe.
Make out like a tree
But it's best if you'd leave.
With dew on your cheek,
Distract and deceive.
You slipped me a peek
Up your shoot, not your sleeve.

A rose of scorn by any name will always make me sick.
And though you've worn, you're much too sharp to stick.
You cut me quick and bleed me dry
While you're the slow poke at my thigh.
But you're the thorn, so I can't be the prick.

The root of all your evil leaves you as a wilted weed
While I won't let you reap the benefits. I never sowed my seed.
How dare you grow, move on, unplanted? Why can't I proceed?
I mean, you grasp another's branch when you're the only pine I need!

A rose of scorn by any name will always make me sick.
And though you've worn, you're much too sharp to stick.
You cut me quick and bleed me dry
While you're the slow poke at my thigh.
But you're the thorn, so I can't be the prick.

… And now my skin is thick.

©2005 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Untold
Without you around
I drown in your absence.
I can't take a breath, not to save my life.
But when you return
I choke, still I'm sinking.
You let me inhale.
I try just to fail.
I've passed out in weakness
As if I should wake just to see you there.
The pleasures untold in a faint affair.

Oh, a fleeting crush
Can't leave me shattered.
Oh, the slightest brush,
A stroke leaves my feelings splattered.
I won't hurry for the rush.
I'll leave my begging knees untattered.
Contentment suits me, tailored to
Commitments unbeknownst to you.
It's still untold.

The strength you embrace
Inspires me to follow.
Despite what you give, I can't take the lead.
It can't be my move.
I don't have the burden.
I wait idly by.
I fail. I can't try.
And still I caress you,
But just in the dreams that I dare to take:
A sordid affair still untold, awake.

Do I touch the subject? Do I hold you to the untold deal?
Off the cuff, do I shake your hand and wink,
or hug you while I cop a feel?

Oh, a fleeting crush
Can't leave me shattered.
Oh, the slightest brush,
A stroke leaves my feelings splattered.
I won't hurry for the rush.
I'll leave my begging knees untattered.
Contentment suits me, tailored to
Commitments unbeknownst to you.
It's still untold.

It's not that you're blind.
I'm blurred in the background.
It's just that it's fair I remain unclear.

©2005 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Muddled
Although I stand corrected, I won't take this lying down.
I'm all tripped up on your appeal. Who's to play the clown?
Foolish games aside, I wish to check my baggage claim.
In any case, can we make up the smirks to fit the blame?
The smile does not become you; rather, you become the frown.

And who do you think you are?
So you won't leave, yet you've gone too far.
Congratulations. You've got me grilled, my friend.
I'm all fired up to watch you walk away, again.

An absentee by nature, is your presence such a gift?
Your mood swing's not as subtle as a continental drift.
Trembling at the knees has never been amongst your faults
And merely stumbling out of step cannot produce a waltz.
I knew our two-to-tango bit was bound to get us miffed.

And who do you think you are?
And don't I leave when you've gone too far?
Congratulate me. I've grilled you as I should.
I'm all fired up to watch you walk away, for good.

You're abusing. I'm befuddled,
And amused my name is muddled.
You'd think I'd ask forgiveness, but I won't.
I don't care if you won't give it.
Do you live to make me livid?
You're just hardly worth rebuttal.
I've got other cares to cuddle.
You'd think I'd find you worthy, but I don't

So who do you think you are?
You're granted leave, and it's from afar.
Congratulate all the slabs you've yet to grill.
I'm all fired up to meet the meat like me you couldn't kill.
I pity all the weak ones, those of whom you broke the will.
I'm glad I got out while I did with damage close to nil.

©2005 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: The Conversation
The day that I had met you was a conversation that would
last us both until the ending of our lives.
The dialog that we indulged in delving in, too deeply,
pulled our heads below on just too many dives.

And now we can't turn back, nor turn the page.
We read as well as swerve between the lines.
You can't bow out unless you're on the stage.
I can't applaud if I don't see the signs.

The conversation that continues to conscript my soul
contains a constant context-sensitive remark.
Each time you even utter such a syllable of it
does it allude to lewd encounters in the dark.

And still we can't turn back, nor turn the page.
We read as well as swerve between the lines.
You can't bow out unless you're on the stage.
I can't applaud if I don't see the signs.

If only I could write the words you've spoken in response.
No one person is as clever as our spontaneity.
I'll sing to you, I'll play, I'll write; a man of Renaissance.
But it's you, a woman of the Night, who gets the best of me.

The preface to our conversation didn't quite prepare
us for the bold-faced lies embedded in the text.
We've spoken out of turn and broken English breaks the flow.
Is it the epilogue that I'll be reading next?

But no, we can't turn back, nor turn the page.
We read as well as swerve between the lines.
You can't bow out unless you're on the stage.
I can't applaud if I don't see the signs.

©2005 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Amy & Amber (alternate version)
At nineteen, each, they're ripe to reach their prime.
As it adds up, I must divide my time to know them.
It's either/or, a light or dark brunette.
They're both clocked in; which window do I get to close or open?

I'm, with each of them, in love.
I'm a pushover, so they shove.

Amy and Amber:
Their voices tantalize; texture, tone, and timbre.
As courtesy, they'll pick up the line.
Yet they dare to ask me, “How can I help you?” Be mine!
Amber and Amy:
If I ever chose, then each would betray me.
In either case I'm cursed,
So if Amber can't come first
Then neither will Amy.

I meet their eye, the highlight of my day.
They call me by when all the things I'd say elude me.
I'm lost for words. The service desk may find
When, all the while, their smiles are what I've pined for, absolutely.

If I weren't such an introvert,
I'd intervene at every flirt.
The hopelessly romantic jerk
Had better just depart, forget them, and get back to work.

As I try to pull away,
Who's so sure I shouldn't stay?
I'm, with each of them, in love.
I'm a pushover, so they shove.

Amy and Amber:
Their voices tantalize; texture, tone, and timbre.
As courtesy, they'll pick up the line.
Yet they dare to ask me, “How can I help you?” Be mine!
Amber and Amy:
If I ever chose, then each would betray me.
In either case I'm cursed,
So if Amber can't come first
Then neither will Amy.

©2005 Brian Michael Weidemann