Various E​-​mails To Precarious Females

by Brimaxian (Brian M. Weidemann)

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about

While not explicitly Sent or CC'ed to any women, each song here is addressed, in tone and style, to the specific person about whom it was written. That's about as far as the "concept" album goes, though.

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released December 31, 2006

Music, lyrics, performance, recording ©2006 Brian Michael Weidemann

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about

Brimaxian (Brian M. Weidemann) Santa Ana, California

A persistently versatile mix of guitars, keys, synth strings, and more, in the rock, acoustic, and alternative genres. Dense, poetic wordplay sung by a semi-amateur baritone. Wry wit, hot guitar licks, and the occasional augmented sixth chord.

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Track Name: You're That Kind of Girl
I saw you standing there that day
Just like the way they always do
In songs that all begin this way,
And now that girl was finally you.
So really I need not explain
Since every guy has got the gist.
Sufficed to say I was insane,
Which drove me mad, which got me pissed.

How many drunken phone calls in the middle of the night
Have you received from guys like me you barely know? (Just for fun.)
How many would-be suitors would be shoved down at first sight,
Despite the miles they treaded, shut out in the snow? (Every one.)

You know you're that kind of girl
Who flirts with guys she hasn't met.
You know you're that kind of girl
Who dumps each guy that she could get.
You know you're that kind of girl;
You know the kind. And I would bet
You still can sleep at night.

You stand there with your pretty face,
And flowing hair, and glowing skin,
And pleasant scent, and curves, and lace,
And sexy smirk—slash—knowing grin.
To question what your mercy begs
I'm on my knees, nowhere to crawl.
You picked me up with drop-dead legs.
I had nowhere to go but fall.

How many random strangers you've caught staring from afar
Have you repaid just after they had bought your drink? (I'll bet none.)
How many times have you regretted leaning on the bar,
Too far, and leading on more nice guys than you'd think? (Not a one.)

You know you're that kind of girl
Who flirts with guys she hasn't met.
You know you're that kind of girl
Who dumps each guy that she could get.
You know you're that kind of girl;
You know the kind. And I regret
That I lose sleep at night.

©2006 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Where You Get Off
Telling me the truth, you manipulate the focus.
The picture's never painted as a whole.
You've led me along the gallery walls.
The little, beveled placards are the only things you stole.
I thought I was whom you blamed,
But you can't fear the unnamed.

You get off by getting on … my nerves,
Too overjoyed when I'm annoyed.
So take off, you're taking on … the world.
Don't miss your flight. Provoke the fight.
I'm hardly the last dupe you'll have employed.
Escape the nested loop. And bank the curves.
Glide straight into the swoop. Forget you swirled.
But you're not sore … you'll land another guy.
I'd warn him more … if you just let me try.
Just don't give me the bird because, baby, it won't fly.

I don't know … where you get off.

Riding through my life, you manipulated all that
I took for granted so you'd clear your way.
You've led me along the streets I had paved.
It finally took its toll road, and you thought that I would pay.
You hoped I'd care one last time,
But I just can't give a dime.

You get off by getting on … my nerves,
Too overjoyed when I'm annoyed.
So take off, you're taking on … the world.
Don't miss your flight. Provoke the fight.
I'm hardly the last dupe you'll have employed.
Escape the nested loop. And bank the curves.
Glide straight into the swoop. Forget you swirled.
But you're not sore … you'll land another guy.
I'd warn him more … if you just let me try.
Just don't give me the bird because, baby, it won't fly.

And this is … where you get off.

©2006 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: The Plot
I've lost my taste for how you taste.
Why must I mind to make amends?
By sunset I'll regret the waste.
Good luck prefers he who pretends.
If trust and faith can favor haste
I'm lost as patient tact offends.
The plot on which my death was based
Was filled with means and never ends.

I never planned for this, for anything to have occurred.
You're digging your own grave, but whose life has been insured?
You point with your insecurity shovel. I'm not lured.
And as facetious stories go, edgewise is the only way to get in the word.

So if at first you don't believe
I'll have to take another chance.
With you it's easy just to leave.
For me it's hard to keep my stance.
By mourning you will hardly grieve.
I'm ill of easy sycophants.
You wore your heart out, up your sleeve.
I left mine in my other pants.

I never planned for this, for anything to have occurred.
You're digging your own grave, but whose life has been insured?
You point with your insecurity shovel. I'm not lured.
And as facetious stories go, edgewise is the only way to get in the word.

And can't you tell the draft is rough?
We shivered when we had the talk.
Despite the script, I'd had enough,
A sketch in cursive, outlined chalk.

©2006 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: All That's Left To Do
My sheets would never twist like that before.
You slipped between and tied them up some more.
And you left your scent on the dollars I'd have spent
If just to have your fragrance bottled: “Eau de Metaphor.”

My bed is now too small by fair amounts.
It's not fair whether it's the size that counts.
There's no space, in light of the fact I'll still invite
Your curves to press my linens, since you left and stole the bounce.

I don't want to call you a tease
But you turned me on, and then you turned me down.
And you can't say you never were pleased,
So you don't speak. I can't hear a sound.
I'd have won you over, but you were under done.
You'd counted on being somebody else's No. 1.
I'd lost the race to drop onto my knees
So all that's left to do is close my eyes and run around.

My pulse had never jogged beyond the sprint.
You called the shot. I'm corner-pocket lint.
So I tried to court, too off-base to know the sport
You thought that we were playing and I still can't steal the hint.

I don't want to call you a tease
But you turned me on, and then you turned me down.
And you can't say you never were pleased,
So you don't speak. I can't hear a sound.
I'd have won you over, but you were under done.
You'd counted on being somebody else's No. 1.
I'd lost the race to drop onto my knees
So all that's left to do is close my eyes and run around.

All that's left to do is hope the path's on solid ground
And all that's left to do is trust my flattened world's still round.

©2006 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Dr. Loneliness
The friend I have in Loneliness betrays me as he turns my mind to you.
He speaks about contentment in one's self, but sneaks your image into view.
I shake his hand and thank him, even though we got off track.
I think he made his point, but then he stabs it in my back.

I call that Dr. Loneliness a name, despite the compliments he'd paid.
I didn't mean the insult, but the gracious welcome had been overstayed.
He knows it's nothing personal. He's brilliant when I'm dim.
He taunts me with your smile and knows you'll send me back to him.

Please, don't call his office.
His hidden fees have made me poor.
Don't make those appointments.
I can't attend his sessions anymore.
His sly reminder complicates, infects me with your fine allure.
As much as he pontificates, he never could prescribe a cure.
If you, dear girl, do care,
The least you'd do is spare me Dr. Loneliness.
I don't want to have to bear being seen by Loneliness.

Did you assume the therapy was what I needed when it's you I want?
See, what I got were journal entries I won't show, while what you got you flaunt.
He doesn't stroke my ego quite like you do, don't you think?
But is my head too big? I can't be jerked to see the shrink!

As I recline to rest and speak my thoughts,
He'll decline to guess, but takes his shots.
It's you who fills my dreams.
It's he who claims subconscious thought is never what it seems.
On average I still want you in the end,
When he denies the means.

Please, don't call his office.
His hidden fees have made me poor.
Don't make those appointments.
I can't attend his sessions anymore.
His sly reminder complicates, infects me with your fine allure.
As much as he pontificates, he never could prescribe a cure.
If you, dear girl, do care,
The least you'd do is spare me Dr. Loneliness.
Just how does one prepare for seeing Loneliness?

You've never paid your share to Dr. Loneliness,
Yet all your ex's swear by Dr. Loneliness.
So don't you think it's fair that you see Loneliness?

©2006 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Excuses
So, I didn't know that you had to be up early.
Forgive my invitation. I was wrong.
All I did was call. You know I'm guilty of presumption,
Having fun and thought you'd like to tag along.

Don't compose excuses,
Don't sing another tune to turn me down.
I've got my uses,
But not at your disposal to be dumped into the ground.
I wish you'd let me see you, but to see, you'd have to want to
And I think you'd let me see you if you did.
But you and your excuses make it seem that you don't want to
So I'm having trouble finding you, and you don't think you hid.
Should I just turn you loose? Is
That the way that I should play
To take my turn to spin around?

Here, so have a beer. I remember it's your favorite.
Because of me you won't call back just yet.
(Sigh.) At least I try, but every effort's self-defeating.
I'm so sorry I'm in love I will regret.

I come to meet you more than half the way again, and laugh,
Because you're all too subtle if there even is another half.
Your strength will build each time I am forgotten all about.
I'm weak from tying ribbons on your benefits of doubt.
When all the others scream, in co-dependent ever-afters,
I'm the one you should remember. I'm the one who'll never shout.

Don't compose excuses,
Don't sing another tune to turn me down.
I've got my uses,
But not at your disposal to be dumped into the ground.
I wish you'd let me see you, but to see, you'd have to want to
And I think you'd let me see you if you did.
But you and your excuses make it seem that you don't want to
And it's not that I can't find you, I just don't know if you hid.
Should I just turn you loose? Is
That the way? Should I delay
Because you're better lost than found?

©2006 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Between Us
As several widths divide us
I worry least about the length.
My heartstrings pulled around the peg,
The bridge between us needs the strength.

It's fine that you don't realize how beautiful you are.
I find that you wouldn't be as sweet.
My heart can feel the tension as I restring my guitar
These songs for you will never be complete.
I hear another lyric and my meter skips a beat.
I tend to claim defeat.
You sidestep my advance. I slip a note. I've gone too far.
But it's still a tasty lick, still you're a treat. Still, you retreat.
I know I never had a hit, but still, I miss you just the way you are.
Between us, I am missing you, just the way you are.

I only think of you now.
I wonder how you pulled that off.
I fret and bend between your lines
While taking peeks at every trough.

You whisper over distance
And balk at my insistence.
Don't talk with such resistance
Neither toward or down to me!
My only fault's persistence
And yours is that you flee.

It's fine that you don't realize how beautiful you are.
I find that you wouldn't be as sweet.
My heart can feel the tension as I restring my guitar
These songs for you will never be complete.
I hear another lyric and my meter skips a beat.
I tend to claim defeat.
You sidestep my advance. I slip a note. I've gone too far.
But it's still a tasty lick, still you're a treat. Still, you retreat.
I know I never had a hit, but still, I miss you just the way you are.
Between us, I am missing you, just the way you are.

©2006 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Irreparably Fixated
I think of you again. What have you done?
I think of you again. What makes you run?
I think of you again. How do you dare?
I think of you again. You play with me and have your fun.
And this is hardly fair.

My thoughts spring back to you each fall.
'Tis the season to be frustrated.
I've fallen to pieces that won't repair at all.
You're the reason I'll be jaded.
With the heart-to-heart you never spoke
It's every part of me you broke.
I'm crumbling, irreparably fixated.

I'm not obsessed with you. I've just begun.
I'm not obsessed with you. You're set to stun.
I'm not obsessed with you. I'd take a vow.
I'm not obsessed with you. But I'm not fooling anyone,
I need you naked now.

It's just the lust, an admiration from afar,
But that cannot begin to tell how out-of-whack my cravings are.
And again, for the broken record, I'm irreparably fixated.

My thoughts spring back to you each fall.
'Tis the season to be frustrated.
I've fallen to pieces that won't repair at all.
You're the reason I'll be jaded.
With the heart-to-heart you never spoke
It's every part of me you broke.
I'm crumbling, irreparably fixated.
I'm shattered, irreparably fixated.
I'm smitten, slain, engrossed, infatuated.
I'm desperate, and irreparably fixated.

©2006 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: Loathe & Behold
You wholeheartedly believe you've done nothing wrong.
I insist I can't convince myself you're right.
The problem is, I contemplate, we both wax insecure.
We gloss, and shine, and still aren't very bright.

I loathe and behold,
Do heated arguments make you cold?
I hate you less than names you're better than.
Relayed in a word,
Yet I can't rephrase what has just occurred.
Why must we preach the same things to each other once again?

I may have drowned once beneath the depths of your embrace.
No wonder I'd bought your life preserver so cheap.
It's for the best that you're not here. You still would cling so tight.
I'd penetrate if you were ever deep.
And why, after all this time, are yours the washed-out memories
that surface, by stroke of luck I keep?

You loathe and behold,
My lack of emphasis makes you bold.
I hate you since you missed my point just then.
Reviewed and inferred,
What I'm waiting for couldn't have occurred.
Why must we type the same things to each other once again?

Just like the last night
This is not quite yet the last night.
You had left me since you wanted to stay.
You make me scream, you leave me hoarse,
I'm tripped up with unbridled force;
And yet we're on a roll … in the hay.

We loathe and behold,
The final “so” has just now been told.
I hate you more than ones you're lesser than.
Recount, I've ensured,
What amounts to this shouldn't have occurred.
Why must we touch the same things on each other once again?

©2006 Brian Michael Weidemann
Track Name: It Can't Be My Eyes
You are so deeply ingrained in my head,
So many unexpected things remind me.
There are plans I hadn't known I had made, ahead,
But the only one left is to put them behind me.

I leered as if you ever lied.
I waited. You would never hide.
But something is wrong, I realize,
And it can't be my eyes.

You had confessed you were too weak to leave
But found the strength to ask me to walk away instead.
In your voice, already, you had begun to grieve.
I owed you the distance I now have to tread.

I gazed and you had only sighed.
I hit and missed what we'd implied.
But something is blind, I realize,
And it can't be my eyes.

And now, intently, I turn down unfamiliar streets,
Just for a path home I won't recognize.
I'm changing the station constantly
And not one song applies!

It hurt and so you cried
And I, as well, should try,
But I won't if it's from insecurity.
You deserve that as a prize,
Not what I gave you to despise.
Now my tears are stuck in dried-out ducts
And it can't be my eyes.
Something stops the swell of tear drops.
It can't be my eyes.

©2006 Brian Michael Weidemann